10 Things I Was Sure Of By 38
And 3 Things I’m Still Sure Of At 39
When I was 7, I was sure the world wasn’t much bigger than our backyard. It didn’t need to be. I was a major league baseball player, an astronaut, a Goonie, and Luke Skywalker, all in a space no bigger than a few hundred feet.
When I was 11, I was sure Maniac Magee was the best book ever written. Until a year later when I read The Westing Game. And two years after that reading Fallen Angels. Today, there are too many great books to choose just one.
When I was 16, I was sure I’d enlist in the military and serve my country. God and country, was there anything more important?
When I was 17, I was sure I’d play college football, go to law school, and one day become chief of staff to the president. I didn’t, I didn’t, and I haven’t.
When I was 18, I was sure I didn’t know what I wanted to do. But college was fun, and I would never love any team more than I loved K-State football. Ahem, Go Bears! (as in California Golden Bears)
When I was 19, I was sure I knew God. I understood the cosmos, the origins of things, and I had a book that explained everything I’d ever need to know.
When I was 26, I was sure God was different than I originally thought. I didn’t understand the cosmos, I was way off about the origins of things, and that book I had was really a collection of books that didn’t explain everything I needed to know.
When I was 30, I was sure the military and ‘serving one’s country’ was only as noble as the mythology of one’s tribe at the time. Borders and wars were man-made, and too many people confused their god with their flag.
When I was 33, I was sure parenthood was simple enough. One kid, no complexity, what’s all the fuss about?
When I was 37, I was sure parenthood was the most difficult thing ever. Three kids, never-ending complexity, and I wished they’d all stop fussing.
Today, I turn 39, and I’m not so self-assured. The world is much bigger than my backyard. I need it to be. Much of what I know now comes by way of unknowing the stuff I was so sure about long ago. And that comes by meeting people from across this big world, engaging with their ideas, and allowing their ideas to engage me.
The few things I do know? Fear is just a story, one we can choose not to believe. Kindness is rare, but powerful.
And, in this life, it’s better to hold things with an open hand because few of us see the world as it really is. Most of us see the world as we are in that moment.
